The Weight of Destiny

Ecclesiastes 1:9 New King James Version (NKJV)

9 That which has been is what will be,

That which is done is what will be done,

And there is nothing new under the sun.

I find myself struggling today.

In the world the saying goes "be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it". This in itself speaks to something strange about the human condition. 

You can be given precisely what you want thus satisfying that desire, which should be a good thing, yet encounter some self-inflicted problems as a result. 

I find this to be the problem. I have long been searching for my purpose in life, a question common to many, I searched in many places before I knew God. Exploring my interests and talents, trying many different careers and yet did not find my purpose or fulfilment in those things. 

Now I have a relationship with God, I asked Him. And, kind of to my surprise. He told me.....

God has revealed to me what His purpose is for my life. This should be a tremendous blessing, yet instead of jubilation, I today felt the gravity of own decision making.

We are not to fear anything but God, yet if there is one thing that scares me the most, it is this:

Unfulfilled potential.

Potential is the scariest word in the dictionary, because the difference between your potential and your achievement is down to you. 

Therefore, you cannot underachieve if you do not know your potential and there is a solace in that. It becomes that much easier to reconcile my position in life if I do not know the fullness of what I could achieve.

Now I could have a hunch or human judgement about my potential, but humans are fallible beings. Even if you told me I should be great, if it doesn't pan out I can rest on the solace of phrases like "it just wasn't meant to be".

Yet now God has told me what He sees for me (at least in part). Infallible God. Alpha and Omega, knowing the beginning from the end has told me what He wants me to do.

This then has caused the evolution of potential into something far weightier still.

Expectation.

Gone is the solace of "it just wasn't meant to be" and has been replaced with the uncomfortable potential truth of "I just didn't live up to His expectation". 

And I am terrified.

And the craziest thing about all this? I asked for it. Be careful what you wish for indeed!

The wisdom of Ecclesiastes 1:9, gives hope, I know this is a sign I need to grow spiritually, and I will do what I have learned to do along this journey. 

Turn to the word of God and I will be sure to post a follow up to this once I have the answer.

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